Tell me you'll stay, you'll stay, you'll stay....

Saturday, May 23, 2009 . 9:37 AM

If only I could stop being so utterly pathetic. I need some 'fire'. School may have ended but doesn't mean life has.

I am into someone new - though, like all my other infatuations; I stand from afar and admire from a distance - and only from a distance. Adequate for me to know you enough; erasing all my pre-conceptions about your supposedly claimed "egotistical nature".

Apart from the "flaky" persona, I decided to make a suit for my graduation. It is definitely a surprise to feel the impact of finishing high school. It's a good surprise. The fitting is today, hopefully it'll run smoothly. Nothing disasterous.

Labels: Graduation

Angel of mercy, how did you find me?

Friday, May 22, 2009 . 12:34 AM

School has ended. Definitely looking forward to a non-malignant life - without high school drama and gossip. High school is perfectly described to be a militarized zone or "jungle" as some might say. Personally, I am contented with the image of war.

It is an unbelievable sensation to have finished, though at the same time it feels unbearable - unbearable because of the flashing images in my mind; of the long gone memories that once, brought me blissful happiness. One of the humungous phases was experiencing the vissicitudes of like and love. I have to admit that admiration from a distance was always nice but painful - it was torture but pleasure; my "heart" always contradicting itself.

*Random spur*

I found you, I found your link - I read to know that you're still alive. I know it seems sad and maybe stalker-ish, but I can't help to be human and care. And just to let you know, during high school I was glad to have met you - and I will always remember 2005.

*Over*

It is over. School is over. I'm going to the airport soon with Rauufah. Ayeshah is leaving tonight to Singapore - I think this would be a good prepatory step for me to take - to ensure that it won't be as bad as the real thing. Slowly enduring the pain of leaving. It is coming - it is coming fast. I barely sleep during the nightime - it keeps me awake; the constant thought of leaving. In my mind, I am strong. I will not be broken - like a fragile crystal vase. Hold myself and pertain to my strength.

Pertaining to what is 'true' to me. Also, tonight I will be going to Nicholas Klein's birthday party - using whatever optimistic will I have left, I will make sure that it will be fun. I am constantly in this dark state........I need to see the light.

-til' laters

Labels: Deep